I accidentally had phone sex last night
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
