I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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