boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
