Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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