Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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