do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
