I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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