Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
