No awkward lesbian experiences without me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
