I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
