oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
