i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
