u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
