Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
