So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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