I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
