this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
