Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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