Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
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mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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