My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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