You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
