On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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