So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
