youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
