i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
