just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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