he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
