And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
