Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
