She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
