so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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