Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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