i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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