Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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