There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize