I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
