btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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