so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
