i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
