So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
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I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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