Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
