I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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