im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
