I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
