Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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