so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
