glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
