a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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