Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The uberlube is also flammable
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
