Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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