id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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