I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
