a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
