I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
