every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
