He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
