Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
