I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Say something about gay babies.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
