i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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