I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
